Last night I sat unknowingly on the small piece of 90% cacao chocolate.
I have it after meals–along with 2 dried apricots–the untreated, darker ones–and a dried fig.
When I rose from the sofa, Meredith thought I’d had a heavy nose bleed–thinking the dark material on my face and hand was blood.
She was greatly relieved when she realized it was chocolate—but dismayed that there was a substantial stain on the sofa cushion.
She told me not to panic and cooly wiped the chocolate off the sofa.
When I got up a second time, OH calamity, there was the stain—restored!
I wiped my hand across the seat of my black sweat pants–and realized that the wretched piece of chocolate had stuck like a limpet to my nicely warmed-up bottom, and was still a threat to cushions everywhere I sat.
I cursed–upset by my stupidity–and annoyed that I’d missed out eating the chocolate.
Meredith calmly came to the rescue, a second time.
The trousers went in the wash basket.
This morning I put on a second pair of sweats/trousers that are very comfortable–but have no pockets to keep a handkerchief.
I had to tuck my hanky in the chorded belt that keeps them up.
This triggered a memory:
It transported me to Eastbourne in the 1950s where my beloved grandmother (Granny) lived in a room at a seafront hotel. She used to stand with her back to the gas fire, whip up her skirts, exposing a large amount of pink silk and warm herself, sometimes retrieving the hanky she kept in the elastic round her knickers.
Knickers is not an accurate description–undergarments would be nearer the mark.
I remember…Ahh! could they have been bloomers?
The arrangements, as one might delicately call them, were such that there was nothing in the least shocking about this course of action–even to a seven-year-old.
Not shocking–more surprising to witness.
I had never seen mother do anything like this.
So not knickers exactly–but good old-fashioned bloomers.
I was more careful with the chocolate tonight.
.
Robin Ellis 
Reminds me of stories my mother and her sisters told about WW2. Elastic was scarce so undies had to be tied around the waist. They were always one loose knot away from embarrassment and disaster!
Utterly delightful, and you transported me to that moment back in time when your beloved Granny bared almost all in front of her gas fire. Smiles from NZ..
Such a terrible waste of chocolate! But it sounds like lesson learned!
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Hello, Robin,
I received your funny blog today, the first in a long time. For some reason some haven’t been coming.
Really happy to read your great articles again.
Best Regards,
Suzanne Delaney
Stain removal..For removal of every stain, no matter how ancient,, you must use RESOLVE. If you can’t get it in France, you must pick up a case on your next US foray.
Thanks Fiona!
Robin,
What we might take away from your amusing story is this: the older we get, the less calamitous it is either sitting on chocolate, or exposing our bloomers to the world.
Perspective–yes, you are right!
Love your stories! They are a delight!
Oh Robin, what a hoot! My Grandmother used to so the same. She used to make her own bloomers and put an extension on the legs of the winter ones, so they came down past her knees, to keep them warm from the winter chills. The other thing she did was to pour her cup of tea into the saucer, then drink from there when it had cooled – how weird! I miss my two grandmas and wish that they were still around so I could pick their brains about their early life.
Helen from Oz.
Smiling broadly. An aunt suffered a knicker-catastrophe during the war when the restraining button on her undies popped off.A woman of great resolve, she simply stepped out of the silky mishap, pocketed them and continued on her way.
Reminds me of my own mother, Robin….who used to say “Winter drawers on” with reference to not winter coming on but Winter Under wear on due to the inclement weather!
I remember that too, Grahame.
Dear Sir
Wonderful reminiscense of Granny.
We have finally been watching Upstairs Downstairs, from beginning to end, after all these years.
It reminds me of that bygone time, when your Granny would have been young…
I eat the 70% Lindt dark, but, sadly, it would make the same mess.
All the best
You are a hoot and if I recall a posted photo your furniture covers are all white aren’t they? I just returned from the Ruth Bancroft Gardens in Walnut Creek Ca where you reminded me that I tucked a well loved Libertycotton hanky up my right sleeve and I had to Check and be certain I didn’t loose it on my walks today.
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What a lovely remembrance. My tiny, 90-pound Polish grandmother would hoard the Cadbury’s Hazelnut in a kitchen drawer, and dramatically share one square with whichever grandchildren happened to be visiting at the time. I don’t recall any bloomers being displayed (at least not while we were having a chocolate square), but I am glad our long-passed Grannies still can make us smile. Thanks for the story.
Chocolate loses its deliousness when it is sat upon as you found out .Imagine what it would do to large pink bloomers !!!! very funny though reminds me of my grandmothers very generous undergarments .my brother and I were always awestruck to see these garments flapping on the clothes line . Happy Christmas to you and yours .
Robin,you and beautiful Meredith truly are a dynamic duo!
I so applaud her for knowing how to remove the stain!
Especially since–stupid me!–I forgot the chocolate in my pocket and ran it through the washing machine!!(will not go further!)
Loved hearing about your granny.
Such memories are the sweetest.
Thank you!
Hi Robin! We have also just experienced a more dangerous side to chocolate! My daughters pug Frank craftily pinched and ate a whole bar of dark salted caramel chocolate. Knowing chocolate can be harmful to dogs she rang the vet. Because he’d had the whole bar she had to hurriedly take him there immediately to remedy the situation giving him an injection to make him sick. Fortunately he was there in time as the vet said he would have had a seizure and died as he had eaten so much. It also cost £200 but he is fine so that’s what matters. So no more chocolate bars left within pug reach!!
The youngest member of our family, 20 months old, was recently found (pre nappy change) with ‘dark brown staining’ on his hands. His mommy assumed the hands had been into nappy so gave them a VERY good wash. Post nappy change she noticed his hands were again dark brown. Further investigations revealed that he’d discovered that by flattening himself against the ‘treat cupboard’ door in the kitchen, he could actually get his little arm and hand past the childproof lock, and he’d been going in and grabbing handfuls of an opened chocolate cake. That boy will go far.
So sorry about the loss of the chocolate. I prefer dates to dried figs, and walnut-stuffed dates, or bacon wrapped dates. Fresh figs, however–well, dates haven’t a chance to beat them.
As a child, when the places we lived had floor registers, I would stand over them in my flannel nightgown, and soak up the heat that way. Central heating, or even those baseboard things, can’t hold a candle to floor registers for immediate warming. Never took to jammies, and at some point, I gave up on trousers as well.
Marina in San Jose
I LOVE this story!
Another very nice bedtime snack is organic Goji berries (Amazon do good ones) and also I recommend Nakd bars -very good for diabetics and full of wholesome goodness. Our favourites are Lemon drizzle, Cashew cookie and Cocoa coconut. They are completely free of nasties, no added sugar, just nuts and fruit. I find the cocoa coconut one has satisfied my longing for chocolate, which of course does have added sugar.
My 96 year old Mum used to have to wear Edwardian underwear including voluminous bloomers which were elasticated on the legs. At her school one day, aged 5, she just couldn’t swallow the dreadful gristle they gave her so she slipped it all into her knickers. She forgot all about it and her mother was very surprised when all the gristle rained down while she undressed at bedtime
Brilliant. And thanks for the tips–I’ll research.
Really enjoyed reading that ! I remember bloomers too. My late grandmother wore them. They were almost knee length, pink and voluminous. In Winter, my grandad wore ‘ coms’ – combinations. Long sleeved vest and full length leg bottoms. I was one of the only girls in school who didn’t have to wear a liberty bodice. In Winter though, had to wear a half length sleeve vest.
It all made sense really, as no one had central heating. There was a fashion for long frilly, bloomers in the 1960’s. I remember going with the rest of the sixth form English students to Stratford, to see ‘ The Taming of the Shrew’. The weather was unexpectedly warm so I’d taken off the long frillies, had other ones on underneath. Put bloomers in pocket. Had a cold though and in the dark, reached for my hankie in my pocket. By mistake, pulled out the bloomers. Someone on stage looked startled, probably thinking that he had gained a fan who was about to throw them onstage. (Onstage – Patrick Stewart, Michael Williams and Janet Suzman. )
Lovely story. You are right about–“needs must when it was so cold and no central heating”.
So funny…my grandma used to wear a sort of rubber girdle which absolutely fascinated us as kids! I wonder now how she got in and out of it…!! I’ve become addicted to the 90% cacao since your recommendation, just one square is enough.
Another funny thing – I watch tv on my iPad at my kitchen unit to keep me going while packing boxes (especially in this incredibly busy season) and recently have been enjoying ‘The Duchess of Duke Street’ from the mid-70s. So many of the original Poldark cast are in it…Richard Morant and (most disconcertingly) Angharad turned up in an episode as a newly-unhappily married young girl and her domineering old Lord husband was Paul Curran! So bizarre to see gorgeous Demelza on the arm of old Judd Paynter…! Love to you both this season x
That is funny, Rachel. And sad too.
You must be going crazy–but I trust happily so !
Love to you and Paul.
Had us laughing out loud, Robin! We just added a new stain to the couch, too. I just finished making a lovely ham dinner with all the trimmings for both of us, when my little Sassy started meowing loudly for HER treats. I hurriedly (and foolishly!) set the plate down on the couch, without noticing that our other cat Scamper was curled up in the comforter at the other end of said couch. I came back a few minutes later to find him wolfing down the very last bite of ham, which he’d pulled off the plate so he could eat at a more leisurely pace on the couch. Happily, he left all the veggies for me…besides a spot that needs to be cleaned more thoroughly this weekend. Urgh!
Hello Meredith and Robin yes chocolate is lovely but be careful where you leave it, it can be crafty,and get places you wouldn’t believe until it’s to late.
I was born in 1950, so I Well remember the liberty bodice, and granny’s bloomers on the washing line, but some how she always managed to whip them into hiding when dad or other men were around.
Best wishes to you both Elaine and Jimmy🎅
This little tale made me laugh Robin as my Nana would do exactly the same. I remember the day her silk bloomers were frozen solid as they hung on the washing line for all to see! Thanks for sharing this story with us. Lindt chocolate is a favourite in this house too by the way. Our daughters have to have some in their Santa sacks.
Wishing you both a happy Christmas.
Heidi x